The most important thing in a child's life is one adult who is steady.

Not perfect. Not always calm. Steady — present, predictable, and safe enough that a child can put their weight on you.

That adult does not have to be a parent. Decades of research say the same thing: a grandparent, a foster parent, an aunt, a kinship caregiver, a guardian — any one of them can be the person a child's nervous system learns safety from.

If you had a hard childhood yourself, you may be carrying a quiet fear that you will pass it on.

That fear is the reason you won't. Trauma travels through families when nobody names it. You have named it — and you do not have to finish your own healing before you can protect a child.

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WHAT THE RESEARCH SAYS YOU CAN DO

You may not be able to remove what has already happened to a child. But you can add to the other side of the ledger.

Researchers have identified seven Positive Childhood Experiences — PCEs — that protect a child's mental health for the rest of their life. They work even for children who have already been through adversity.

72%
Bethell et al., JAMA Pediatrics, 2019

lower odds of depression and poor mental health in adulthood, for children who had six or seven of these experiences — compared with children who had two or fewer.

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THE SEVEN

  • 1 They can talk with you about how they feel.
  • 2 They know their family will stand by them when things are hard.
  • 3 They take part in traditions — holidays, meals, rituals that repeat.
  • 4 They feel they belong at school.
  • 5 They feel supported by their friends.
  • 6 At least two adults besides you take a genuine interest in them.
  • 7 They feel safe and protected by an adult at home.

Every one of these is something a caregiver can build. None of them require money.

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START HERE

What trauma does to a child →

What it changes in a developing brain and body — so you know what the behavior in front of you is telling you.

Positive Childhood Experiences →

The seven, in depth. What each one looks like in an ordinary week, and how to build it.

What you can do tonight →

Small things, tonight, that make tomorrow easier. For the child, and for you.

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